| (no subject) |
[Jan. 14th, 2009|09:00 pm] |
"It's already finished," murmured Hordubal. "I've only fixed up a latch for you, so that you can lock yourself in."
A slice of bread and bacon, all is ready, and now for the hills.
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| Smart Kid |
[Aug. 21st, 2008|12:34 pm] |
Today I played Sorry! (the boardgame) with an 8-year-old girl from Israel.
She insisted on filling out a comment card for the hostel. Under the rating for "Atmosphere," she paused. She looked up at me and asked "Does this mean how hot it was today?" "Sure does" I said. So she gave Sacramento a low grade for being so hot today. But while penciling it in, she paused again, and said, "But I guess you aren't to blame." She erased it and gave me a perfect score for atmosphere.
"Good thing you used a pencil," I said.
"Do you have the game Sorry!?" she asked. |
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| The Ashtray Made of Goldfish Scales |
[Aug. 12th, 2008|03:15 am] |
Yesterday's start:
I woke up early and drank hot coffee, and went to work at the hostel while thinking about my stomach.
A couple of Swiss girls kept asking me questions. Questions like, "Were you ever afraid of E.T.?"
On the drive home, still thinking of the question, I got hit in an intersection by another car.
An hour later, a friend from Oakland came to my door. I am a bad host. She likes milk in her coffee, but I never have it around the house, because I take my coffee black. With the cities' difference in weather, the drive from Oakland to Sacramento will spoil brought milk, but the drive back will not.
Several hours later, a friend came to my door who had been playing freelance violin concerts in the foothills of the Sierras. He griped about how the cigarettes cost 7 dollars up there. He also talked about how hard it is to smoke at high elevation. The locals like to thicken the air with fog machines, while he plays the theme from "Star Wars."
I ate tapas for dinner and pretended to like all kinds of olives.
Then, I drank three cups of coffee after dinner, and read "Confessions of an English Opium Eater," written in 1821.
Yesterday's end:
I finally fell asleep and dreamed that I was applying for a loan, and the bank tattooed the contract onto my chest, so I wouldn't forget.
While I was getting into a car accident, I could see my heavy green glass ashtray flying in mid-air.
And I buy my cigarettes "dirt cheap," which is just above sea level. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2008|01:08 am] |
It's about 1 in the morning and I was just outside my house having a cigarette. I was pacing in front of my porch, debating whether or not I should have a cup of coffee, because I don't have much to do tomorrow, and I always used to drink coffee at this time of night.
I also buy certain brands of deodorant to remind me of the year that I wore them. I'm wearing '06, which is also the year when the pits went into re-runs.
Then someone in a car threw a box of Honey Nut Cheerios at my head.
I'm writing this over a cup of coffee.
Breakfast Time Apparently,
andy |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2008|03:30 am] |
A Field Trip to the Grand Canyon
If you have even a hairline crack in your self confidence, it's traumatic to work with a group of little kids. And we all know I have a bit more than a hairline crack. |
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| Wrong number |
[Mar. 26th, 2008|11:23 pm] |
"Hello"
(panicked) "Did you just hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"Who is this?"
"Andy"
"Ugggh" (hangs up) |
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| A vacuum diet |
[Feb. 15th, 2008|03:12 pm] |
I had watermelon and coffee for breakfast. My stomach feels like a geode in a sock.
And I was vacuuming my room for some reason, and the vacuum got stuck on a string from an eaten candy bracelet.
I really need to be more careful. |
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| Instructions for Visitation |
[Feb. 9th, 2008|04:32 pm] |
During the morning we listen to The Zombies: Shake off your parasol and fill it with tea.
During the night we listen to Brahms, very seriously: Don't hit your funny bone on the candelabra.
 |
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| Les Anges dans nos Campagnes |
[Dec. 25th, 2007|11:09 pm] |
I spent Christmas Eve shoving handfuls of chex-mix into my mouth before my relatives could ask, "So what are you going to do now?"
That night I went to midnight mass at St. Francis of Assisi Church, standing in back next to the ancient radiator that someone turned on in 1862 only to have the valve rust shut at once. The same radiator has been melting my shoe rubber since I was a kid, and we sang the same carols too.
Tonight, I lied on my hard wood floor playing with micro-machines with kids from the neighborhood. One of them is named Jameson, like the whiskey. At one point, as we were scooting the cars around, I lost mine, and told him I had an invisible car. He chased my car with the new invisible car that showed up minted in his fingers, until the only cars we cared for were invisible, and wreckage was wreckage because you could see it.
I've basically been trying to live a few shit things down, to the level of hard-wood.
Now I have the same carol stuck in my head that I sung in the back of the church, and the angel I heard on high was the awful in-flight movie that brought me back to this part of the countryside. |
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| The Roll of the Die |
[Oct. 2nd, 2007|01:44 am] |
I was talking with some friends at their house tonight when I got a telephone call from her. I told my friends, "I need to take this" and walked outside.
I said, "hello." She had some very bad news for her hello. It took me several seconds to translate that blunt hello, like a single dot of morse code sent from no address, the unexpected One rolled on a dice before you know what it means in the dice game you are playing. It is that dot over the phone that tells you someone has died.
We talked a little and I tried to comfort her the best I could. After we hung up, I stood alone outside the house and sighed. I said to myself softly the only thing that came to mind...
"scheize" |
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| the new year's ball-drop that bounces |
[Sep. 18th, 2007|02:24 am] |
Tonight is my last night at the beehive. We had a little farewell barbeque. I grilled some corn on the cob and put a little margarine and cayene pepper on the corn. You have to kiss the corn to eat it and the cayene pepper burns your lips.
Then Corey brought out three party-poppers and said, "This is because Andy doesn't have to scoop gelato anymore..." and we pulled the strings of the poppers toward that select target known as "away from my face." It was a three popper salute.
Now, It's as if the whole thing still happens before confetti hits the ground. |
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| The Alphabet Spells "No" |
[Sep. 17th, 2007|03:08 am] |
A car ride to San Francisco, me Dan and Cassie:
I say, "I'm going to smoke a J, does anyone mind (as I pull out a cigarette)"
I roll down the window and the freeway wind howls through the car against the noise on the radio.
Dan says, "Eh, it's a C."
I thought he meant the wind was in the key of C, ruining the music, but he meant my J was a C, a cigarette.
"Ahh" I said, getting past A, "I think I'm going to call B" getting past B.
"Cassie, I think you're gas meter's on E," "but keep it on the DL"
We drove through the mission district of San Francisco.
"I will not tolerate the N-word in this car"
"Oh" |
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| Invasion of the Neptune Men |
[Sep. 11th, 2007|08:27 am] |
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I am homeless, I quit my job, and I don't have to go to school. I'm sitting on a couch at the honeycomb hideout, because it's the only place I have left to stay. Someone melted plastic on the stove yesterday, and the toxic vapors have filled the house. It's like my last meager bowl of cat food is a frail plastic earth thing that burns in the hands of the neptune men. They have taken over the givings of my life. |
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| The Past, in 2007 or 2001 |
[Sep. 8th, 2007|03:53 am] |
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No matter how well we can show the spaceships of the future, we still can't make a believable monkey suit. They're awful. |
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| 1 in 4 people have a bad joke |
[Sep. 3rd, 2007|03:30 am] |
I went to a friends house who heats her house with pies. Her house has never known disease.
A few of us were talking and handing around a teeny-bopper magazine. Someone looked at the cover title and asked, "M Magazine?"
"The M stands for magazine." |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 25th, 2007|12:54 pm] |
"First of all, what is your phone number?" the Police Officer asked.
"She stole that too" I said. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2007|02:14 am] |
I walked to the lovely Rachel Scott's house tonight to borrow a book about Richard Brautigan that I had never read before. Someone called me a shitcock on the way over.
signing off,
shitcock |
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| Tesla |
[Mar. 3rd, 2007|03:09 am] |
"In one of the most common forms of synesthesia, grapheme → color synesthesia, individual letters of the alphabet and numbers (collectively referred to as graphemes), are "shaded" or "tinged" with a color. While no two synesthetes will report the same colors for all letters and numbers, studies of large numbers of synesthetes find that there are some commonalities across letters (e.g., A is likely to be red) ( Day 2005; Simner et al. 2005)."
1 is black
2 is blue
3 is orange
4 is yellow
5 is blue, darker
6 is reddish orange
7 is purple
8 is dark purple
9 is pink
10 is white
A is yellow
B is blue
C is blue, lighter
D is brown
E is green
F is orange
G is bluish green
I've never found anyone who agrees with me or has ever even thought about it. Except Alex Lyon, my high school buddy, but his colors were very different.
They say Nikola Tesla had this nuerological condition. All I know, is the band Tesla was from Sacramento. So...
Alex or I should have done done their stage lighting, but not together. |
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| Folding the Emperor's New Clothes |
[Jan. 28th, 2007|02:51 am] |
I try to remember: Walking around at night, in a t-shirt.
Somehow, I think all problems are solved by it, holding-warm the night air like a deck of cards.
Now I feel like a royal flush, held at the end of a wrench. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 9th, 2007|12:47 am] |
Today was good. I talked to a cable guy in my underwear, Kim and Steve and I drove to the garden of eden, and a bunch of us drove to Salinas for In-n-Out. Last night, Dmitry invited me to go to a bar and watch the Lakers game. We couldn't find the game on any bar television, so we ended up just having a beer together and I told him of my recent troubles, and he told me of his. Mostly its us building bridges so far they fall apart.
At one point, we went into a sports bar, hoping to see the basketball game on at least one of the televisions, but on all of them was poker. Last night, I had a dream about poker players using weighted card like basketball players use weights on their ankles to jump higher.
That's why its a sport. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2007|03:31 am] |
| [ | |
| | Justin Ferren - Songs I Wrote on the Car Ride Home | ] |
Peetrie is dead.
However you spell it.
Happy trails little guy, pellets behind you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2007|05:45 pm] |
When I was a kid, out of any superpower, I would choose invisibility for immoral reasons.
Downtown today, meth couples talk inane bullshit to eachother in all seriousness. Down the street, the ex-junkie married couple are always gardening or setting up for a yardsale or vacuuming with the door wide open, working on and overhauling their house everyday, manual distraction to rythmically keep "Don't do it" in they're heads. Homeless people playing "Like a Rolling Stone," not realizing the song is mocking them. My professor, a burn-out hippie with eternal jealousy from the sidelines of the past, doomed to write about writers, who plays the song on his computer with the same sentiment. New year's day, cold and clear. I see college students set their empty wine bottles on their window sills.
And instead of invisibility, all I can hope for is a hangover that keeps my eyes swollen shut. |
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| 2007 |
[Jan. 1st, 2007|03:20 am] |
They counted down the new year from 10 as I sat in the corner of the kitchen.
When they hit the number one 1, I sneezed from cat allergy and my tie
was in my drink.
2006 was the worst year of my life. And at midnight, I don't mind kissing all my dead pets at once and tying my ties the perfect length to reach them.
Happy new year kids.
Love,
a |
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| Maglite Flavors |
[Dec. 18th, 2006|02:07 am] |
I don't really have much to write. I got laid-off today. It makes me feel like an adult. I wasn't fired, and I didn't quit, I was laid-off.
I don't like the phone. It is invasive. People on the other end of a telephone receiver do not know how to sleep in or how to stay up late.
Today was the last day of Gelatomania. No one really cares. I turned off all the lights while I was working tonight. Customers would walk in, cautiously, and ask, "Are you guy's still open?"
I said,
"Yes, I just turned all the lights off." |
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| St. Peter in a Paper Hat |
[Dec. 10th, 2006|02:30 pm] |
There is a new 2 dollar wine at Trader Joe's, right next to the Charles Shaw. It's Argentinian and the bottle is quite stout, it looks like a 1980's business woman with shoulder pads. My mom used to work for the state of California; she looked like a linebacker.
My mom would pick us up from grammar school. Sometimes, while she was driving us home, she said she had lost control of the car. "I don't know where it's going, the steering wheel is turning itself," she would say, as we pulled into Baskin Robbins for ice cream, which we did whenever this happened. Looking at it now, I think maybe these incidents were sort of a drill for us. So if my mom actually did lose control of the car, we would have hope for ice cream while we were trapped in a car that was trapped in some lost stock footage of itself careening off a cliff. |
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| Clockwork |
[Nov. 28th, 2006|02:57 am] |
Happiness - 11
Sadness - 4
Dreams -9
To me, that's a pretty good looking ratio. |
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| Indian names |
[Nov. 14th, 2006|09:34 pm] |
Dan, Dylan, and I came up with indian names for ourselves using anagrams of our own, christian names.
Dan Merrill - Man Driller
Andy Stevenson - Dry Nose Vent
Dylan McKeever - Caveman Dry Elk
Post your own: http://wordsmith.org/anagram/ |
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| For Rachel |
[Nov. 14th, 2006|02:19 am] |
More "Worst of's" from high school:
"The box of raisins yells in bold letters "Now juicier and plumper." The people who made the raisins are bragging about doing less work."
"When I played hide and go seek as a kid, I would cheat and run outside the house as far as I could."
"Oh baby, this mocha tastes likle detergent. Am I a husk of my former self?"
"Today was exactly like the California gold rush. There was John Sutter and pick-axes and the clamoring of beards."
"Dear Twice,
Today is Christmas, but thank god you no longer have to worry about assembling toys and finding batteries."
"She took the longer way home to dry out her eyes."
"At times it seems like I have to have a dad in a coffin for you to talk to me."
"You gave back what you stole and call it a gift."
"He's having a hard time, and I think it would be hard to keep two relationships, dating misery and cheating on it with a girl."
""Instead of wanting old life back I just want a new one, like bending a note, the new one is always better and the old one is forever in its shadow."
"Oh the dreams you must have under hospital sheets."
Love,
a |
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| Lots |
[Nov. 13th, 2006|03:36 am] |
The DAD show in Stanford was a disaster.
It was at a co-op, which I took as a residential building, but was actually a cafe with a bunch of stanford students concentrating on their wireless computer screens. I prefaced the show by saying, "We're DAD, we're from Santa Cruz, that's why we're not doing our homework."
The show, my god, the show. At one point I got so pissed off at hearing this crap through micrphones that I yelled, "Turn off the micrphones, we'll play acoustic." They said, "No." So I turned all the mircophones away from our mouths and ripped the cord out of the acoustic guitar.
In a room full of people we got no applause after our songs.
The show ended with a shit version of Slick Black Roads, after which I threw a box of wine across the room, ripped all of our lyrics in half as I walked out with a cigarette in my mouth.
But how many things cherished in the future, planned in terms of eternity, have been ruined by the consequence of a few seconds?
Lots. |
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| Moths |
[Oct. 26th, 2006|09:38 pm] |
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In girum imus nocte et consumimur igni. |
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| Morning in Autumn |
[Oct. 25th, 2006|08:32 pm] |
This morning was like most these days. I wake up, a little hungover, a little late. I let cold water into the tea pot so the tea takes a little longer to make. I'll listen to Julie Doiron and have a cigarette with the bees and hummingbirds that live off half of our flowers and avoid the poisonous half I sit in. The toaster has popped up, the tea is ready. And the only reason I'd ever awake in autumn,
the wind is unlocking doors these days. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 23rd, 2006|03:42 pm] |
McDonald's
They want to franchise my mouth as a miniature McDonald's for insects. The insects would sit and eat hamburgers next to my molars as if they were a row of tables. They chose the location for it's high ceiling, because I talk too much.
Twin Sister
A boy went up to his dad and said, "I think I'm hopelessly in love with one of my twin sisters, which means I have to be in love with the other one too." The father said, "You don't have any sisters, what are you talking about?"
The next morning, the boy woke up and his dad was gone. He went downstairs into the kitchen, where his twin sisters were sitting at the table. They looked like porcelain dolls with long black hair, identical. They all sat there, him hopelessly in love, and ate black porridge which they called "loss-of-appetite." |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2006|09:01 pm] |
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"I was wondering how my life would have been different if I'd been born one day earlier, and I thought maybe it wouldn't be different at all, except that I'd have asked that question yesterday." |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2006|02:22 am] |
Fine I'll post an entry.
Sinks and dishes, i'ts always been trouble with me. I think the problem I've kept with my life is that I let things sink for too long,
like a G.I. Joe off the side of a swimming pool.
painted eyes look up, they still can,
a |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 21st, 2006|01:27 am] |
Dan and I were discussing some serious things, working out our roomate problems that reside in the last half of the clock and dirty dishes. We walked to 7-11 to get a couple beers, like old chums, and as we were walking back this nice grey Toyota Echo pulled up to us.
An overweight mexican man rolled down the window and asked, "Can I ask you a question, and I don't mean to offend you..."
"Sure," I said.
He said, under his breath, "Do you two want to gang bang me?"
"Nah," I said, "We're both straight."
"Okay," He said, "Don't repeat this to anyone and don't get my liscence plate number."
"Sure, good luck."
Then he made a 3 point turn and drove away. |
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| Things I Know |
[Oct. 18th, 2006|06:18 pm] |
Humpty Dumpty
was pushed. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2006|06:10 pm] |
"Some things last a long time."
Daniel Johnston was born in Sacramento, California.
No wonder. |
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| Sweet Pea, Columbus, Louis, Domino, countless hamsters |
[Oct. 18th, 2006|03:50 pm] |
| [ | |
| | Nirvana - I Hate Myself and I Want to Die | ] |
This is where I live now: I live in what appears to be a landlocked house-boat with a young man who suprises me everyday with himself, sort of a constant social crush on him, and he's very handsome to match. I live near two ex-girlfriends whom I'm good friends with, but could probably be better friends with. I live far away from an ex-girlfriend who is my best friend. I live here, sitting on scattered papers of lyrics written on a typewriter. I live here instead of class a lot of the time. I live faraway from my unrelated brother, far away from his gothic corners of the geometry of the East. I live here and make songs about scarlet fever and flies who are waiters. I live a little outisde the doorway and smoke cigarettes to live a little less. And anywhere I live, dead pets don't. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2006|02:11 pm] |
| [ | |
| | Daniel Johnston - Some Things Last a Long Time | ] |
I'm drinking a Rockstar energy drink for some reason, to stretch last night's dreams away from myself like comic strips imprinted on silly putty, until it breaks. And I'm just Charlie Brown in the last panel, which is always the saddest. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2006|08:09 am] |
| [ | |
| | The Association - Never my Love | ] |
I live in a houseboat, and in the mornings I miss her when I have to rub smoke against my lungs to stay warm. The plot twist is missing. But then again, no one cares. Just listen to the song, I'm genuine in the morning
about these things. |
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| Signed Off |
[Oct. 17th, 2006|01:48 am] |
AIM has turned that half-second delay of reply into some eternal jet-lag for people in my own time zone.
I remeber when people my age didn't go to bed at a reasonable time. Oh, but that was long ago. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2006|12:24 am] |
In sixth grade...
wait, no one cares
I keep forgetting that. |
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| So What |
[Oct. 13th, 2006|08:23 pm] |
And so what if I woke up at 8 in the morning and waited outside the bank for it to open as if my hair were dyed blue and my name was Lavernne, if I have an economics midterm today which I will miraculously fail rendering me more distant from a college degree which will do nothing for my economic situation,
So what if it's Friday the 13th, if a black cat crossed my path, but only with it's yellow eyes, if there's a cursed Dad show at the beehive tonight
So what if I had to buy a calculator for a single test, a scientific one, only because the tests uses logrythms, if I'm paying 5 dollars more for a single button, and things like square roots and pi just remind me of food.
So what if paying for Nicoderm is like putting a large down payment on your house which will be built with the last miserable years of your life, if buying packs of cigarettes everyday is like renting a house which is your lungs and the drapes always smell like tobacco.
So what if I can faintly hear the Imperial March being played by a high school brass band, if I spent an entire bus ride trying to imagine, from the point of view of Darth Vader, what he was thinking when he decided to throw the emperor down the chasm.
So what if my shirt has "Sulk for Fun" scrawled on it, if there's a hole in the crotch of my corduroy pants like a reproductive Charlie Chaplin.
if maybe I had his eyes.
if only. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 12th, 2006|02:09 am] |
I'm so tired of AIM conversations trying to trick me into white-washing the fence around someone's bogus lawn of wit. Wouldn't we all like to be named FRANK, at certain
times at night, |
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| Pain and Joy |
[Oct. 12th, 2006|01:46 am] |
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Enjoy your headaches. |
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| The East and The West |
[Oct. 8th, 2006|02:46 pm] |
The East invented tea, The West invented coffee.
The East invented robes, The West invented togas.
But we both invented makeup, misery, and noodles. |
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| Fuck Castro |
[Oct. 6th, 2006|07:15 pm] |
|
So I went to Zach Salazar's place last night, and as I walked in I realized everyone was sitting around playing songs of their's. A girl played a very pretty song, and Dan played a sea chanty, and more and more of that went around the room. I had a glass of wine and a cigarette, smiling with a halo of smoke around my head in some old rocking chair in the corner. I started to play my song "Cancer, the Big K," and everyone left in the middle of it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 4th, 2006|02:19 pm] |
I slept really hard last night
In my dream, i remembered hanging a bracelet off of a door nob
but then I woke up, and I was sitting around with Kora, and she handed me this little bracelet and said, "I figured you did this."
then I realized I was still dreaming and I couldn't wake up
And I knew because it was a little too early for a group of kids
to be singing "Happy Birthday" to some girl
next door. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 3rd, 2006|11:48 am] |
I like to think of my poems as little
friends,
who can hang out eith eachother and
out to dry. |
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